Pursuing our daughter...
After we got matched the race was on to bring home our little girl. We quickly got a pre approval from China that she was ours and our paperwork was taken out of translation and taken to be reviewed for the final Letter Seeking Confirmation that Chang AiHe would officially become MaeLynn Ann Bennington. Erica and I began to pray that the Lord would place our paperwork at the top of every stack of papers to be processed and we would get to our daughters in lightening fast speed.
The process to receive confirmation of a child normally lasts between 2-3 months then there is a little more paper work on both sides until you are issued an Invitation to Travel to go get your child. This part normally takes another 2-3 months. We were praying a miracle that we would travel spring break still. Scott and I dreamed of spending our daughters first birthday with her! We know our God is BIG and he wants to lavish gifts upon us SO WE WERE ASKING!
We are apart of a private facebook group of people who are on a similar 6 month time line as we are. We can watch these people to get an idea of how long approvals were taking and let us know when we might expect our approvals. These moms have been an amazing support for Erica and I and we were watching their timelines recognizing we were realistically looking for summer travel approvals to China.
I got the call on Jan 27th that we had received our Letter Seeking Confirmation and our caseworker was in shock. This was lightening fast speed and there was no reason to her why this happened so quickly. Most people on our group had been waiting 60+days already and still didn’t have approval. God was working for us and we were already in awe of him. So what a better way to celebrate... WE ALL GOT TATOOS!!! I got a tatoo on my wrist that says “Jesus Saves” in Chinese. Scott and Jason both got different characters for “The love of a father”. Scott on his chest and Jason on his inner arm. Erica got the symbol for love in chinese on her wrist. We wanted to forever mark the day that the Lord officially welcomed these two girls into our families in China’s eyes.
The paperwork that needed to be done and visa applications kept us busy as the days went on. As march was nearing it was looking like a very slim but possible chance that we could actually travel spring break. We put the families on standby for watching our children and began to dream about traveling together.
The call came on Monday, March 11, 2012. I saw the New York number after I dropped off Lilly and Fischer at Kids Day Out at the church. I immediately thought...I wonder whats wrong. (Isn’t that aweful! Oh me of little faith!) My caseworker answered and uttered those sweet words...YOU HAVE TRAVEL APPROVAL, YOU ARE GOING TO CHINA!!!!!
Needless to say, I had to pull over as I couldn’t see straight from my tears of joy. After I cried out to the Lord thank you Father, thank you Father, thank you!!!!! I pulled myself together and called Scott and my family. I called Erica, as she had called several times, and we screamed and cried together as the miracle God had done. You see we were on DAY 6 of travel approval wait and there were several who were on day 20 in our group and God had chosen to answer our prayers and send us to China for my little girls birthday. My heart was sooo full.
Sooo here we are. A little over a week from hearing the news...we are ON A PLANE TO CHINA!!! I can’t believe the blessings and hardships the Lord has guided us through on this journey. We are so lucky and blessed to be going to get this little girl and can’t wait to treasure every minute (including her every birthday) with her!!!!!!!!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Christmas Miracles-The day we saw her face Dec.2012
Christmas Miracles-The day we saw her face
December the hope for a match grew in us. Our friends that had previously been filling out paperwork to adopt from China, was just issued their Log In Date to be matched off the shared list and we were praying this was the month for both of us. In the month of December, our caseworker was going on vacation for Christmas Eve through the first couple weeks into January. As the time neared to be matched, we realized that the date was going to fall on Christmas Eve. We lost hope of a match immediately. Our caseworker said they filed for the date to be changed, but that had never happened before. Our sweet caseworker assured us that if she was gone she would train someone else to match us but we didn’t feel good about that either.
I decided to pack up the kids and head to my parents house in Kansas a little early and Scott would meet up with us closer to Christmas when he could get off work. On Tuesday am December, 18, 2012, I checked my email and saw the most amazing thing (well next to the notice of a match;). China had decided to change their date of match and the list would update for all on December 19. I called my friend Erica and screamed. We both discussed how it would be special to be matched together and we both were praying (as we did every month) that God would show us the face of our little girl.
December 19 finally came and I was a mess! My sister and brother in law had just arrived at my parents house and the kids were all playing with glee... oblivious of my nerves and distracted heart. I left the room about 7:30 and sought out a quiet place to pray and watch my computer/phone. Scott and I decided our caseworker would send any profile to Scott first and he would call me to discuss things since we were in different locations.
I’ll never forget the call. 9:30pm the phone rang. I hear a broken voice on the other line...I am forwarding you a picture...SHE IS THE ONE! Oh I could shout to Heavens, Glory to God. The Lord is GOOD to us.. but mostly I cried. My hands were shaking as I opened the email and my sister snapped pictures away as I got to see the face of our beautiful daughter that night. Our little MaeLynn (Chang AiHe) was born March 28, 2012 and was a tiny little sweetie. She had a big smile and was born perfectly with only one hand. She was very healthy and happy appearing. The moment I saw her face I knew why God has made us wait and I can tell you now...SHE WAS WELL WORTH THE WAIT.
Such a miracle...we weren’t supposed to be matched that month because of the date. And best of all our friends we had grown so close to during this process had GOTTEN MATCHED THE SAME NIGHT!!!!!!
December the hope for a match grew in us. Our friends that had previously been filling out paperwork to adopt from China, was just issued their Log In Date to be matched off the shared list and we were praying this was the month for both of us. In the month of December, our caseworker was going on vacation for Christmas Eve through the first couple weeks into January. As the time neared to be matched, we realized that the date was going to fall on Christmas Eve. We lost hope of a match immediately. Our caseworker said they filed for the date to be changed, but that had never happened before. Our sweet caseworker assured us that if she was gone she would train someone else to match us but we didn’t feel good about that either.
I decided to pack up the kids and head to my parents house in Kansas a little early and Scott would meet up with us closer to Christmas when he could get off work. On Tuesday am December, 18, 2012, I checked my email and saw the most amazing thing (well next to the notice of a match;). China had decided to change their date of match and the list would update for all on December 19. I called my friend Erica and screamed. We both discussed how it would be special to be matched together and we both were praying (as we did every month) that God would show us the face of our little girl.
December 19 finally came and I was a mess! My sister and brother in law had just arrived at my parents house and the kids were all playing with glee... oblivious of my nerves and distracted heart. I left the room about 7:30 and sought out a quiet place to pray and watch my computer/phone. Scott and I decided our caseworker would send any profile to Scott first and he would call me to discuss things since we were in different locations.
I’ll never forget the call. 9:30pm the phone rang. I hear a broken voice on the other line...I am forwarding you a picture...SHE IS THE ONE! Oh I could shout to Heavens, Glory to God. The Lord is GOOD to us.. but mostly I cried. My hands were shaking as I opened the email and my sister snapped pictures away as I got to see the face of our beautiful daughter that night. Our little MaeLynn (Chang AiHe) was born March 28, 2012 and was a tiny little sweetie. She had a big smile and was born perfectly with only one hand. She was very healthy and happy appearing. The moment I saw her face I knew why God has made us wait and I can tell you now...SHE WAS WELL WORTH THE WAIT.
Such a miracle...we weren’t supposed to be matched that month because of the date. And best of all our friends we had grown so close to during this process had GOTTEN MATCHED THE SAME NIGHT!!!!!!
The Matching Months...Adoption Story Sept, Oct, Nov 2012
The Matching Months...Adoption Story Sept, Oct, Nov 2012
I am doing my best on this LONG flight to Beijing to catch y’all up on our adoption story;) Honestly, I don’t mind this flight because... WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO GET OUR BABY GIRL!!!!!
I wanted to let everyone in on our matching process that might not live close to us. So here goes... September was technically the first month we were “eligible” for a match. The process that we had gone through thus far was the initial application process, paper work on both the US side and China side, detail Home Study and approval from both parties. When China gives you their blessing to be apart of the process to pursue adoption in their country, you are issued something called a LID (LOG IN DATE). This means means you are pre approved to see all the children on their “Shared List” or you can pursue a pre approval for a specific child you have identified off of any Waiting Child websites.
A little note on Chinese adoptions... China is a Hague country, meaning they are apart of the Hague convention with the US and other countries to comply with a specific set of standards for applications and processes during the adoption process. There are two ways you can be “matched” with a child from China. Off the “shared list” or off of the “waiting child” sites like I mentioned above. The number of children on the list can range from minor to more involved medical needs and the lists of new children on the list can range from a few dozen to several hundred depending on how many profiles were processed that month. Children that are older than 2 and have more medical needs tend to stay on the lists a little longer and are available anytime during the month. Because we were pursuing an infant as young as possible, we were set to be matched off the shared list.
The shared list updates with the newest and youngest children typically once a month. This usually happens on the third or fourth monday of any given month. Agencies around the world set their clocks to China time as the list typically updates around 8:30am China time. It is a race to find the babies each agency is looking for for their people and get them reserved for the family before another agency.
Our Log In Date was Sept 5 and we were so sure that this was the month we would be matched. Our caseworker told us it typically takes three months or less and she didn’t see why we wouldn’t be able to get a match before Christmas. We thought the timing would be perfect because that would mean it was likely we would travel spring break to get our little one and that would work well for childcare options. Besides spring is one of our favorite seasons. The night came that we were to be matched. I can remember going to Levi Newman’s 1st birthday party and our little girl could soon be matched with us and be friends with all these little ones. On the way home Family Life radio was playing a special on Gods heart for adoption and I thought this was a sure sign we would be matched that day.
As we anxiously waited by the phone and computer to hear any kind of news, our stomachs were in nots. This could be it...the day we see our daughters face! Finally around 10:30 pm we saw an email come through. As we anxiously read the email, tears began to stream down my face.... there were no baby girls on the list this month between 6-9 months.
It was very hard to get this news. I didn’t understand how a God that has a heart for adoption and caring for the orphan, wouldn’t match a family immediately that was paperwork ready to be matched NOW! My heart began to long more and more for this little girl and several more dreams about our little MaeLynn made my heart ache. Thoughts of her sitting in an orphanage just waiting for someone to notice her...think she was special...love her.
It felt like FOREVER for the October match and the days leading up to it did not look good. A HUGE hurricane was set to hit New York and our adoption agency was uncertain if they were going to be able to have power to even attempt to match us. We prayed again that God would hold off the weather so we could be matched. At 8:35 that evening the city of New York lost power and as the shared list was uploading, our caseworker lost power. Seriously God????
My heart was becoming hardened and I was starting to question our calling to adopt. Was God trying to send us a message? Our dream of traveling spring break was dwendling also. We prayed November would be our month.
As the moments leading up to November matching was coming we had mustered up enough optimism and faith to believe we would be matched. As we waited for the news again I felt the knots rise in my throat and Scott prayed for Gods will. We got an email pretty quickly into the matching that there was a computer glitch and that China was going to take down the list and try again in three days.
Three days later, I was at our neighborhood bunko night thinking of the match. I needed something to distract me and the girls in my neighborhood were just what I needed. I had told Scott to txt me if we didn’t get a match so I could move on and enjoy the night but to call me right away if we did get a match and i would come home immediately. At 8:47 I got a txt message that said “call me when you can”. I knew this was something unique.
I called Scott and he explained to me that we had a match BUT as our caseworker looked into the file, it was a boy even though the file was marked girl. Scott wanted to know my thoughts. My heart raced, I felt this was a test. On one hand we prayed for a match, we got one and doesn’t this little boy deserve love?? One the other hand I know God had been so clear about a little girl, even given us a name for her!!!! As I took a minute to pray in the bath room of our neighborhood bunko group I felt the Lord speak clear as day....There are several things in life that might lead you to GOOD choices but I want to give you the BEST my child and the BEST for your family is a little girl who is born and out there and waiting for your patience to be matched with her! IF you take this little boy and accept the match you are TAKING him from the family that I have saved the BEST for them. That night we turned down the match and that night would be our third month without getting to see our little girls face;(
I am doing my best on this LONG flight to Beijing to catch y’all up on our adoption story;) Honestly, I don’t mind this flight because... WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO GET OUR BABY GIRL!!!!!
I wanted to let everyone in on our matching process that might not live close to us. So here goes... September was technically the first month we were “eligible” for a match. The process that we had gone through thus far was the initial application process, paper work on both the US side and China side, detail Home Study and approval from both parties. When China gives you their blessing to be apart of the process to pursue adoption in their country, you are issued something called a LID (LOG IN DATE). This means means you are pre approved to see all the children on their “Shared List” or you can pursue a pre approval for a specific child you have identified off of any Waiting Child websites.
A little note on Chinese adoptions... China is a Hague country, meaning they are apart of the Hague convention with the US and other countries to comply with a specific set of standards for applications and processes during the adoption process. There are two ways you can be “matched” with a child from China. Off the “shared list” or off of the “waiting child” sites like I mentioned above. The number of children on the list can range from minor to more involved medical needs and the lists of new children on the list can range from a few dozen to several hundred depending on how many profiles were processed that month. Children that are older than 2 and have more medical needs tend to stay on the lists a little longer and are available anytime during the month. Because we were pursuing an infant as young as possible, we were set to be matched off the shared list.
The shared list updates with the newest and youngest children typically once a month. This usually happens on the third or fourth monday of any given month. Agencies around the world set their clocks to China time as the list typically updates around 8:30am China time. It is a race to find the babies each agency is looking for for their people and get them reserved for the family before another agency.
Our Log In Date was Sept 5 and we were so sure that this was the month we would be matched. Our caseworker told us it typically takes three months or less and she didn’t see why we wouldn’t be able to get a match before Christmas. We thought the timing would be perfect because that would mean it was likely we would travel spring break to get our little one and that would work well for childcare options. Besides spring is one of our favorite seasons. The night came that we were to be matched. I can remember going to Levi Newman’s 1st birthday party and our little girl could soon be matched with us and be friends with all these little ones. On the way home Family Life radio was playing a special on Gods heart for adoption and I thought this was a sure sign we would be matched that day.
As we anxiously waited by the phone and computer to hear any kind of news, our stomachs were in nots. This could be it...the day we see our daughters face! Finally around 10:30 pm we saw an email come through. As we anxiously read the email, tears began to stream down my face.... there were no baby girls on the list this month between 6-9 months.
It was very hard to get this news. I didn’t understand how a God that has a heart for adoption and caring for the orphan, wouldn’t match a family immediately that was paperwork ready to be matched NOW! My heart began to long more and more for this little girl and several more dreams about our little MaeLynn made my heart ache. Thoughts of her sitting in an orphanage just waiting for someone to notice her...think she was special...love her.
It felt like FOREVER for the October match and the days leading up to it did not look good. A HUGE hurricane was set to hit New York and our adoption agency was uncertain if they were going to be able to have power to even attempt to match us. We prayed again that God would hold off the weather so we could be matched. At 8:35 that evening the city of New York lost power and as the shared list was uploading, our caseworker lost power. Seriously God????
My heart was becoming hardened and I was starting to question our calling to adopt. Was God trying to send us a message? Our dream of traveling spring break was dwendling also. We prayed November would be our month.
As the moments leading up to November matching was coming we had mustered up enough optimism and faith to believe we would be matched. As we waited for the news again I felt the knots rise in my throat and Scott prayed for Gods will. We got an email pretty quickly into the matching that there was a computer glitch and that China was going to take down the list and try again in three days.
Three days later, I was at our neighborhood bunko night thinking of the match. I needed something to distract me and the girls in my neighborhood were just what I needed. I had told Scott to txt me if we didn’t get a match so I could move on and enjoy the night but to call me right away if we did get a match and i would come home immediately. At 8:47 I got a txt message that said “call me when you can”. I knew this was something unique.
I called Scott and he explained to me that we had a match BUT as our caseworker looked into the file, it was a boy even though the file was marked girl. Scott wanted to know my thoughts. My heart raced, I felt this was a test. On one hand we prayed for a match, we got one and doesn’t this little boy deserve love?? One the other hand I know God had been so clear about a little girl, even given us a name for her!!!! As I took a minute to pray in the bath room of our neighborhood bunko group I felt the Lord speak clear as day....There are several things in life that might lead you to GOOD choices but I want to give you the BEST my child and the BEST for your family is a little girl who is born and out there and waiting for your patience to be matched with her! IF you take this little boy and accept the match you are TAKING him from the family that I have saved the BEST for them. That night we turned down the match and that night would be our third month without getting to see our little girls face;(
The many faces of Jesus-July 2012 Adoption Story
The Giver on the Street---- July 2012
We have never hidden the fact that adoption is very expensive. It’s very hard to understand why it’s so expensive to pursue these children when orphanages are expensive to run the longer children are in there and there are many families that are willing but not financially able to pursue these children. We knew the $35,000 price was what the Lord had asked us to give and we knew if he called us to it we would sacrifice, fundraise and see what he would provide.
Our friends and family have been amazing on this journey to buy tshirts, participate in our events, donate freely and pray for us without ceasing during this time. One way we were not prepared for was the people who didn’t even know us that God would use to pursue our little girl and answer the call of adoption. One of those situations happened on a warm July day summer 2012.
Scott and I had taken the kids to Frisco fest for some fun family time. As we were watching all the people and enjoying ourselves, Scott ran into a patient and reminded him of the Krispy Kreme Challenge we had coming up as a fundraiser. This unique even was one way we planned to help spread the word about adoption and raise funds to continue the journey to our little girl. The man next to Scott’s patient subtly asked about our fundraiser. He didn’t say much but asked for a card of Scott’s so he could look up our blog on our adoption. Scott thought nothing of this but his kind smile and warm wishes for the sucess of the race was a boost of encouragement.
Later that day we received a message that a significant donation had come in from “someone who is obeying God’s call to help us”. We fell to our knees in praise to the Lord. You see this was the exact amount we needed to write a check for the next payment that was due to our agency. OH THE LORD IS GOOD TO US!!!!!!!
Thank you friends, family and others for allowing God to bless us. This little girls life will be forever changed largely due to people like you! Thank you!
We have never hidden the fact that adoption is very expensive. It’s very hard to understand why it’s so expensive to pursue these children when orphanages are expensive to run the longer children are in there and there are many families that are willing but not financially able to pursue these children. We knew the $35,000 price was what the Lord had asked us to give and we knew if he called us to it we would sacrifice, fundraise and see what he would provide.
Our friends and family have been amazing on this journey to buy tshirts, participate in our events, donate freely and pray for us without ceasing during this time. One way we were not prepared for was the people who didn’t even know us that God would use to pursue our little girl and answer the call of adoption. One of those situations happened on a warm July day summer 2012.
Scott and I had taken the kids to Frisco fest for some fun family time. As we were watching all the people and enjoying ourselves, Scott ran into a patient and reminded him of the Krispy Kreme Challenge we had coming up as a fundraiser. This unique even was one way we planned to help spread the word about adoption and raise funds to continue the journey to our little girl. The man next to Scott’s patient subtly asked about our fundraiser. He didn’t say much but asked for a card of Scott’s so he could look up our blog on our adoption. Scott thought nothing of this but his kind smile and warm wishes for the sucess of the race was a boost of encouragement.
Later that day we received a message that a significant donation had come in from “someone who is obeying God’s call to help us”. We fell to our knees in praise to the Lord. You see this was the exact amount we needed to write a check for the next payment that was due to our agency. OH THE LORD IS GOOD TO US!!!!!!!
Thank you friends, family and others for allowing God to bless us. This little girls life will be forever changed largely due to people like you! Thank you!
God can speak to us, even through cartoons!-June 2012 Adoption Story
June 6, 2012
I was working on more adoption paperwork while the kids were napping and thinking about the conversation I had with my friend Stefanie about making some kind of quilt or baby blanket for MaeLynn. A couple days prior, Scott and I had been talking about if we were sure we had settled on MaeLynn as her (our daughters) name. I have felt pretty sure that God had given us this name but I guess time would tell and prayer on it. At this point in our adoption, people question us all the time saying things like....”Wow your kids are so young, are you sure this is the right time?” .....”Oh don’t you think you should wait until your kids are older?” ....”How do you think you can manage 3 little ones when 2 keep you busy?” I admit, these things do make me unsettled. God called us to this. Of course I am sure! I KNOW I AM NOT EQUIPPED TO HANDLE 3 LITTLE ONES BUT GOD IS!!!! Well June 6,2012 I got a little nugget or a few nuggets I should say of reassurance.
On this particular day, my kids woke up from their naps a little early so I turned on PBS and fixed them a snack so I could finish up my paperwork I was working on. The show Arther was coming on and I usually don’t let them watch that show but the title came up pretty quickly...Binky gets a baby sister. I thought that sounded fitting so I let them continue to watch.
As it played in the background, I heard Binkys mom tell her son that he was going to be a big brother and that they were adopting from China. I couldn’t believe my ears and suddenly I was glued to the TV. The show continued with Binky being excited but confused about why they couldn’t travel now. Their mom explained the long process and that it could take a year or more to complete the process. I could not believe how detailed the show was with EXACTLY what we were going through.
Binky and his family had lots of paperwork, family adoption photos and even a home study visit! Just when i thought it couldn’t get any stranger, Binky comes down his stairs and finds his mom working on a quilt for his baby sister. She said she was working on a Bai Jia Bei or 100 Well Wishes quilt and explains how this is a tradition for new babies in the family from Northern China! This was EXACTLY what I was looking for. Oh God is good!!!!
And just when I couldn’t believe any more...Binky and his family finally get travel approval to go get their baby girl. As they make it to China, they arrive at the office and everyone is very excited. The nannies from the orphanage walk out with this adorable little girl and they say...” Here you go..her name is MaeLynn”! (MeiLin) I was in shock and started to cry. It got really clear to me in that moment that I had a divine appointment to see this show. We had a little girl out there, she was going to get a special Chinese quilt called a Bai Jia Bei and we were to name her MaeLynn!!!!
As the tears started to flow I felt so connected to God. The God of the universe of billions of people know me so individually that he wanted to send me a message...through a cartoon...that he knows me....loves me....knows are daughter...loves her and this is RIGHT WHERE WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE!
I was working on more adoption paperwork while the kids were napping and thinking about the conversation I had with my friend Stefanie about making some kind of quilt or baby blanket for MaeLynn. A couple days prior, Scott and I had been talking about if we were sure we had settled on MaeLynn as her (our daughters) name. I have felt pretty sure that God had given us this name but I guess time would tell and prayer on it. At this point in our adoption, people question us all the time saying things like....”Wow your kids are so young, are you sure this is the right time?” .....”Oh don’t you think you should wait until your kids are older?” ....”How do you think you can manage 3 little ones when 2 keep you busy?” I admit, these things do make me unsettled. God called us to this. Of course I am sure! I KNOW I AM NOT EQUIPPED TO HANDLE 3 LITTLE ONES BUT GOD IS!!!! Well June 6,2012 I got a little nugget or a few nuggets I should say of reassurance.
On this particular day, my kids woke up from their naps a little early so I turned on PBS and fixed them a snack so I could finish up my paperwork I was working on. The show Arther was coming on and I usually don’t let them watch that show but the title came up pretty quickly...Binky gets a baby sister. I thought that sounded fitting so I let them continue to watch.
As it played in the background, I heard Binkys mom tell her son that he was going to be a big brother and that they were adopting from China. I couldn’t believe my ears and suddenly I was glued to the TV. The show continued with Binky being excited but confused about why they couldn’t travel now. Their mom explained the long process and that it could take a year or more to complete the process. I could not believe how detailed the show was with EXACTLY what we were going through.
Binky and his family had lots of paperwork, family adoption photos and even a home study visit! Just when i thought it couldn’t get any stranger, Binky comes down his stairs and finds his mom working on a quilt for his baby sister. She said she was working on a Bai Jia Bei or 100 Well Wishes quilt and explains how this is a tradition for new babies in the family from Northern China! This was EXACTLY what I was looking for. Oh God is good!!!!
And just when I couldn’t believe any more...Binky and his family finally get travel approval to go get their baby girl. As they make it to China, they arrive at the office and everyone is very excited. The nannies from the orphanage walk out with this adorable little girl and they say...” Here you go..her name is MaeLynn”! (MeiLin) I was in shock and started to cry. It got really clear to me in that moment that I had a divine appointment to see this show. We had a little girl out there, she was going to get a special Chinese quilt called a Bai Jia Bei and we were to name her MaeLynn!!!!
As the tears started to flow I felt so connected to God. The God of the universe of billions of people know me so individually that he wanted to send me a message...through a cartoon...that he knows me....loves me....knows are daughter...loves her and this is RIGHT WHERE WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Home Study- The adoption process may 2012
From the begining of the "paper work phase" (dec-may) we were told that one of the most important parts of the adoption application process is the home study. The home study consists of a 7-9 hour interview at your home over the course of two days. This two day process is what can make or break your application with your adoption agency. The home study is a stressful part for every adoptive family and this momma was all worked up in a tizzy the whole month of may preparing for it.
I went OCD making sure our new house was baby proofed, organized top to bottom and every inch of the place spotless. This has been the only time in my children's life that I have not been worried about them eating off the floor because it was soooo clean;) This month was also a lot of great conversation for Scott and me. We spent several nights asking prep questions, or questions we thought they might ask us, to each other. We laughed a lot but also couldn't help but wonder what the one caseworker who was assigned our home study would think of us.
Would she see how much we already loved this little girl? Would she be a Christian and understand that God has called us to this? Would she think our children are too young and think we need to be put on hold by the agency? A hundred or more questions plagued me at night and this month was a real struggle of spiritual attack for me. The enemy wanted me to be distracted by doubt instead of on my knees in prayer for our sweet little girl in China.
As we neared the date we got a little more details of how these two days were going to go down. The first day would include a tour of the home and a 2-3 hour interview with our caseworker and our family. The kids would be present and she would ask us questions about parenting and discipline and she would observe our interaction with them. Our caseworker mentioned that she might even ask our daughter, who was extremely verbal even though she was only 2 yrs 3 months, a few questions too.
Needless to say, I was frantic. What if she doesn't like our home? Who knows what will come out of Lillys mouth? What if Fischer throws one of his outrageous fits on the floor? What if the caseworker doesn't like our parenting style? What if Lilly hits Fischer for taking his toys? Ahhhhhhh!
I had my friends pray peace over us and Phil 4:6 became my anthem "Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation, by prayer and pretition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understand will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." I knew in my heart that God called us to this, I needed to be confident in that. He has already given us so many signs and clear direction through the process thus far, he would carry us through. BUT the enemy was doing a full court press on me:(
If we survived day one...( I know a little dramatic but this process seemed so daunting at the time;)) day two would consist of 5-6 hour interview with no kids. The casework would interview Scott and me together and then separate the two of us and ask us questions as individuals. These questions would consist of...What is the worst this about your spouse? What is the best thing about your spouse? What do you think of your spouses family? What is your family like? If you could change one thing about your spouse, and you can't say nothing, what would it be?
Are you kidding me??? I am supposed to be honest about all these things? I have an amazing husband but we can both tell you WE HAVE OUR FAULTS and we are FAR FROM PERFECT!! So, Scott and I asked alot of these questions ahead of time so we were not surprised or angered by the answers. (This was really good for our relationship and thought we might try to revisit these questions annually or something!)
The day approach the end of May and it was time for the caseworker to come. Everyone was dressed in sundays best and smiles ear to ear;) I was ready to get this over with;) Up walked this adorable young gal from Oklahoma who was so sweet and immediately I had a peace. The first day went very well. No major upsets with the kiddos and Lilly did great when asked by the caseworker..."Lilly would you like to have a brother or a sister?" to which she looked over at her brother who was banging her baby doll around and smiled at the caseworker and said, "SISTER!" hee hee it was soo funny!
The next day was going so well and then it was my turn to do my individual questions. I was excited to get some time to talk with our caseworker by myself. She seemed like a girlfriend I was chatting with from college and catching up on old times. (Except for the fact that she had to take notes the whole time which is super nerve wracking. ;) We talked about my family and I asked about hers. We talked about Scott and my kids and thoughts on being a mom. When asked about our daughter in China, I got emotional which is very normal for me. Everything was going so well...and then she asked me a question I had never thought about..."What are your thoughts and feelings about the birth mom that abandoned your daughter to be?"
The question caught me so off guard, I was speachless and frozen stiff. I honestly never thought about that. Tears of angry and sadness started to come. Anger because how could someone be so heartless? This one of Gods greatest gifts in life, NEVER to be tossed in a trash can or an ally all alone! Tears of sadness...what was her life like? Does she realize what she is doing? Does she care? Was this a hard decision? Does she know Jesus? ....I get choked up just thinking about these questions I still have and may never know the answers too.
One thing the Lord reminded me of in that moment was the verse that had become my anthem for this. The verse does not just say to not be anxious and to bring your requests in prayer but WITH THANKSGIVING present your requests to God. That day the Lord reminded me that I was to be THANKFUL that the Lord could redeem this awful situation of abandonment and turn it into something beautiful, adoption- a complete family, where MaeLynn will never have to worry whether or not she is loved or will be provided for. I probably never know the answers to the questions I have about our little girls birth parents but one thing I can do is pray for their salvation so that when the day of the Lord comes and we are all united in Heaven, I can meet them and let them know how faithfully the Lord loved their little girl and we are family forever in Christ. Please join us in continued prayer for the salvation of MaeLynn's birth parents.
I went OCD making sure our new house was baby proofed, organized top to bottom and every inch of the place spotless. This has been the only time in my children's life that I have not been worried about them eating off the floor because it was soooo clean;) This month was also a lot of great conversation for Scott and me. We spent several nights asking prep questions, or questions we thought they might ask us, to each other. We laughed a lot but also couldn't help but wonder what the one caseworker who was assigned our home study would think of us.
Would she see how much we already loved this little girl? Would she be a Christian and understand that God has called us to this? Would she think our children are too young and think we need to be put on hold by the agency? A hundred or more questions plagued me at night and this month was a real struggle of spiritual attack for me. The enemy wanted me to be distracted by doubt instead of on my knees in prayer for our sweet little girl in China.
As we neared the date we got a little more details of how these two days were going to go down. The first day would include a tour of the home and a 2-3 hour interview with our caseworker and our family. The kids would be present and she would ask us questions about parenting and discipline and she would observe our interaction with them. Our caseworker mentioned that she might even ask our daughter, who was extremely verbal even though she was only 2 yrs 3 months, a few questions too.
Needless to say, I was frantic. What if she doesn't like our home? Who knows what will come out of Lillys mouth? What if Fischer throws one of his outrageous fits on the floor? What if the caseworker doesn't like our parenting style? What if Lilly hits Fischer for taking his toys? Ahhhhhhh!
I had my friends pray peace over us and Phil 4:6 became my anthem "Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation, by prayer and pretition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understand will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." I knew in my heart that God called us to this, I needed to be confident in that. He has already given us so many signs and clear direction through the process thus far, he would carry us through. BUT the enemy was doing a full court press on me:(
If we survived day one...( I know a little dramatic but this process seemed so daunting at the time;)) day two would consist of 5-6 hour interview with no kids. The casework would interview Scott and me together and then separate the two of us and ask us questions as individuals. These questions would consist of...What is the worst this about your spouse? What is the best thing about your spouse? What do you think of your spouses family? What is your family like? If you could change one thing about your spouse, and you can't say nothing, what would it be?
Are you kidding me??? I am supposed to be honest about all these things? I have an amazing husband but we can both tell you WE HAVE OUR FAULTS and we are FAR FROM PERFECT!! So, Scott and I asked alot of these questions ahead of time so we were not surprised or angered by the answers. (This was really good for our relationship and thought we might try to revisit these questions annually or something!)
The day approach the end of May and it was time for the caseworker to come. Everyone was dressed in sundays best and smiles ear to ear;) I was ready to get this over with;) Up walked this adorable young gal from Oklahoma who was so sweet and immediately I had a peace. The first day went very well. No major upsets with the kiddos and Lilly did great when asked by the caseworker..."Lilly would you like to have a brother or a sister?" to which she looked over at her brother who was banging her baby doll around and smiled at the caseworker and said, "SISTER!" hee hee it was soo funny!
The next day was going so well and then it was my turn to do my individual questions. I was excited to get some time to talk with our caseworker by myself. She seemed like a girlfriend I was chatting with from college and catching up on old times. (Except for the fact that she had to take notes the whole time which is super nerve wracking. ;) We talked about my family and I asked about hers. We talked about Scott and my kids and thoughts on being a mom. When asked about our daughter in China, I got emotional which is very normal for me. Everything was going so well...and then she asked me a question I had never thought about..."What are your thoughts and feelings about the birth mom that abandoned your daughter to be?"
The question caught me so off guard, I was speachless and frozen stiff. I honestly never thought about that. Tears of angry and sadness started to come. Anger because how could someone be so heartless? This one of Gods greatest gifts in life, NEVER to be tossed in a trash can or an ally all alone! Tears of sadness...what was her life like? Does she realize what she is doing? Does she care? Was this a hard decision? Does she know Jesus? ....I get choked up just thinking about these questions I still have and may never know the answers too.
One thing the Lord reminded me of in that moment was the verse that had become my anthem for this. The verse does not just say to not be anxious and to bring your requests in prayer but WITH THANKSGIVING present your requests to God. That day the Lord reminded me that I was to be THANKFUL that the Lord could redeem this awful situation of abandonment and turn it into something beautiful, adoption- a complete family, where MaeLynn will never have to worry whether or not she is loved or will be provided for. I probably never know the answers to the questions I have about our little girls birth parents but one thing I can do is pray for their salvation so that when the day of the Lord comes and we are all united in Heaven, I can meet them and let them know how faithfully the Lord loved their little girl and we are family forever in Christ. Please join us in continued prayer for the salvation of MaeLynn's birth parents.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
The Angel at the Park-Adoption update March 2012
I've been meaning to continue going through my journal entries from the beginning months of our adoption process but honestly it's been some pretty painful past few months. We are sitting at our third month with all paperwork done and still no match. So many times I have picked up my journal to share more stories with ya all and the tears flow and it hurts so bad. I long for this little girl so much and at times I am so angry that God has called us to such a hard process in life to be quit honest with you. BUT then I am reminded...this is not about me, this is not about her, this is about bringing God the glory and sharing our stories to help God speak through us to others. So, here was another sweet story that happened in March that I felt led to share.
By March we Scott and I were being plagued with doubt and questions...Are we really being called to this? Is God crazy, we already have two very young kids? Should we wait until our kids are older? How are we going to afford this???? So many questions, I found myself begging God to show us answers and give us peace. We were the only family from our church who was in the China process and had no one locally to talk to about any of this. We felt confused and alone in the process. We prayed he would open our hearts and minds to his leading and on a sweet warm March day, my prayer of confirmation in the process was answered.
The weather was warm for a change from the rain and the kids were itching to get out. Any day with remotely nice weather is a day that I can count on our neighborhood park being full with moms and kids at play. This was one of this things that drew me to this area and I was really enjoying getting to know the other sweet moms in my neighborhood. Adult conversation with new friends was just what I was hoping for on a day like today.
As I pulled the kids in their favorite wagon to the park, it seemed pretty quite. Too quite if you know our neighborhood. I was so looking forward to seeing some of the moms I had previously met and hoping to have more adult interaction on this particular day but as we walked up the park was empty. As I unloaded the kids, I couldn't help but think of our little girl in China. I often think of her while playing with the kids and wonder what she is doing or lament that she has probably never been to a park in her life and wishing she was with us.
Within minutes of being there, this mom and adorable little girl start to walk up to the park. As I saw her face, I was speechless. (Which most of you know isn't very often for me;) She was such an adorable little Asian girl and she went straight to my kids and started to play. The mom was someone I had never seen in our neighborhood and clearly did not look like her daughter. I didn't want to assume she was adopted and really the thought had not crossed my mind, I was just taken in by her tiny frame and sweet smile. The mom walked over to me and introduced herself and asked me about my kids. I started to tear up and felt sooo foolish! I explained that our family was expecting another child through adoption from China and apologized for the tears. She said she remembered all to well that emotional process a few years ago when she adopted her daughter from China.
Then the tears really started to come. I had never seen this woman before. I had been to the park every time it had loads of kids there and never once even saw this mom or little girl in our neighborhood. Since we had started the process, I had never met a family that had adopted a little girl from China. I couldn't help but hear Gods voice saying, I am here, I hear you, I want you to hear me.
It was so refreshing to ask this mom about the process. I was able to hear first hand about the emotional struggles, share feelings and experiences with someone who understood what I was going through. Most importantly I heard this mom tell me that the process wasn't easy, it was actually one of the hardest things she had ever done. But she told me it was worth it and if God asked her to do it all over again, she would. It filled me with such hope...such vision for our calling and our family...such peace to continue...such confidence that we were right where God wanted us.
Today, to me, this was my answered prayer, this little girl was the angel in the park. As I watched her play with my kids, I was filled with images of the early dreams I had of my kids all playing together. The Lord was speaking to me clear as day.... I see you, I hear you, you are to follow faithfully.
Interestingly enough, I have still never seen that woman or little girl again at the park. We spend a lot of time at the park these days. Lilly and Fischer LOVE being outside and are both social bugs. (wonder where they get that;) I was so thankful for Gods message to me that day. It makes me feel confidence now as I read the journal entries back to write this that we are right where we are supposed to be. I hope to get all caught up to the current adoption status soon. There are soo many "God moments" to tell. Thanks for coming along this journey with us. If you are in the adoption process or are interested in adopting, please reach out. I would LOVE to chat.
By March we Scott and I were being plagued with doubt and questions...Are we really being called to this? Is God crazy, we already have two very young kids? Should we wait until our kids are older? How are we going to afford this???? So many questions, I found myself begging God to show us answers and give us peace. We were the only family from our church who was in the China process and had no one locally to talk to about any of this. We felt confused and alone in the process. We prayed he would open our hearts and minds to his leading and on a sweet warm March day, my prayer of confirmation in the process was answered.
The weather was warm for a change from the rain and the kids were itching to get out. Any day with remotely nice weather is a day that I can count on our neighborhood park being full with moms and kids at play. This was one of this things that drew me to this area and I was really enjoying getting to know the other sweet moms in my neighborhood. Adult conversation with new friends was just what I was hoping for on a day like today.
As I pulled the kids in their favorite wagon to the park, it seemed pretty quite. Too quite if you know our neighborhood. I was so looking forward to seeing some of the moms I had previously met and hoping to have more adult interaction on this particular day but as we walked up the park was empty. As I unloaded the kids, I couldn't help but think of our little girl in China. I often think of her while playing with the kids and wonder what she is doing or lament that she has probably never been to a park in her life and wishing she was with us.
Within minutes of being there, this mom and adorable little girl start to walk up to the park. As I saw her face, I was speechless. (Which most of you know isn't very often for me;) She was such an adorable little Asian girl and she went straight to my kids and started to play. The mom was someone I had never seen in our neighborhood and clearly did not look like her daughter. I didn't want to assume she was adopted and really the thought had not crossed my mind, I was just taken in by her tiny frame and sweet smile. The mom walked over to me and introduced herself and asked me about my kids. I started to tear up and felt sooo foolish! I explained that our family was expecting another child through adoption from China and apologized for the tears. She said she remembered all to well that emotional process a few years ago when she adopted her daughter from China.
Then the tears really started to come. I had never seen this woman before. I had been to the park every time it had loads of kids there and never once even saw this mom or little girl in our neighborhood. Since we had started the process, I had never met a family that had adopted a little girl from China. I couldn't help but hear Gods voice saying, I am here, I hear you, I want you to hear me.
It was so refreshing to ask this mom about the process. I was able to hear first hand about the emotional struggles, share feelings and experiences with someone who understood what I was going through. Most importantly I heard this mom tell me that the process wasn't easy, it was actually one of the hardest things she had ever done. But she told me it was worth it and if God asked her to do it all over again, she would. It filled me with such hope...such vision for our calling and our family...such peace to continue...such confidence that we were right where God wanted us.
Today, to me, this was my answered prayer, this little girl was the angel in the park. As I watched her play with my kids, I was filled with images of the early dreams I had of my kids all playing together. The Lord was speaking to me clear as day.... I see you, I hear you, you are to follow faithfully.
Interestingly enough, I have still never seen that woman or little girl again at the park. We spend a lot of time at the park these days. Lilly and Fischer LOVE being outside and are both social bugs. (wonder where they get that;) I was so thankful for Gods message to me that day. It makes me feel confidence now as I read the journal entries back to write this that we are right where we are supposed to be. I hope to get all caught up to the current adoption status soon. There are soo many "God moments" to tell. Thanks for coming along this journey with us. If you are in the adoption process or are interested in adopting, please reach out. I would LOVE to chat.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)