I've been meaning to continue going through my journal entries from the beginning months of our adoption process but honestly it's been some pretty painful past few months. We are sitting at our third month with all paperwork done and still no match. So many times I have picked up my journal to share more stories with ya all and the tears flow and it hurts so bad. I long for this little girl so much and at times I am so angry that God has called us to such a hard process in life to be quit honest with you. BUT then I am reminded...this is not about me, this is not about her, this is about bringing God the glory and sharing our stories to help God speak through us to others. So, here was another sweet story that happened in March that I felt led to share.
By March we Scott and I were being plagued with doubt and questions...Are we really being called to this? Is God crazy, we already have two very young kids? Should we wait until our kids are older? How are we going to afford this???? So many questions, I found myself begging God to show us answers and give us peace. We were the only family from our church who was in the China process and had no one locally to talk to about any of this. We felt confused and alone in the process. We prayed he would open our hearts and minds to his leading and on a sweet warm March day, my prayer of confirmation in the process was answered.
The weather was warm for a change from the rain and the kids were itching to get out. Any day with remotely nice weather is a day that I can count on our neighborhood park being full with moms and kids at play. This was one of this things that drew me to this area and I was really enjoying getting to know the other sweet moms in my neighborhood. Adult conversation with new friends was just what I was hoping for on a day like today.
As I pulled the kids in their favorite wagon to the park, it seemed pretty quite. Too quite if you know our neighborhood. I was so looking forward to seeing some of the moms I had previously met and hoping to have more adult interaction on this particular day but as we walked up the park was empty. As I unloaded the kids, I couldn't help but think of our little girl in China. I often think of her while playing with the kids and wonder what she is doing or lament that she has probably never been to a park in her life and wishing she was with us.
Within minutes of being there, this mom and adorable little girl start to walk up to the park. As I saw her face, I was speechless. (Which most of you know isn't very often for me;) She was such an adorable little Asian girl and she went straight to my kids and started to play. The mom was someone I had never seen in our neighborhood and clearly did not look like her daughter. I didn't want to assume she was adopted and really the thought had not crossed my mind, I was just taken in by her tiny frame and sweet smile. The mom walked over to me and introduced herself and asked me about my kids. I started to tear up and felt sooo foolish! I explained that our family was expecting another child through adoption from China and apologized for the tears. She said she remembered all to well that emotional process a few years ago when she adopted her daughter from China.
Then the tears really started to come. I had never seen this woman before. I had been to the park every time it had loads of kids there and never once even saw this mom or little girl in our neighborhood. Since we had started the process, I had never met a family that had adopted a little girl from China. I couldn't help but hear Gods voice saying, I am here, I hear you, I want you to hear me.
It was so refreshing to ask this mom about the process. I was able to hear first hand about the emotional struggles, share feelings and experiences with someone who understood what I was going through. Most importantly I heard this mom tell me that the process wasn't easy, it was actually one of the hardest things she had ever done. But she told me it was worth it and if God asked her to do it all over again, she would. It filled me with such hope...such vision for our calling and our family...such peace to continue...such confidence that we were right where God wanted us.
Today, to me, this was my answered prayer, this little girl was the angel in the park. As I watched her play with my kids, I was filled with images of the early dreams I had of my kids all playing together. The Lord was speaking to me clear as day.... I see you, I hear you, you are to follow faithfully.
Interestingly enough, I have still never seen that woman or little girl again at the park. We spend a lot of time at the park these days. Lilly and Fischer LOVE being outside and are both social bugs. (wonder where they get that;) I was so thankful for Gods message to me that day. It makes me feel confidence now as I read the journal entries back to write this that we are right where we are supposed to be. I hope to get all caught up to the current adoption status soon. There are soo many "God moments" to tell. Thanks for coming along this journey with us. If you are in the adoption process or are interested in adopting, please reach out. I would LOVE to chat.