The Matching Months...Adoption Story Sept, Oct, Nov 2012
I am doing my best on this LONG flight to Beijing to catch y’all up on our adoption story;) Honestly, I don’t mind this flight because... WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO GET OUR BABY GIRL!!!!!
I wanted to let everyone in on our matching process that might not live close to us. So here goes... September was technically the first month we were “eligible” for a match. The process that we had gone through thus far was the initial application process, paper work on both the US side and China side, detail Home Study and approval from both parties. When China gives you their blessing to be apart of the process to pursue adoption in their country, you are issued something called a LID (LOG IN DATE). This means means you are pre approved to see all the children on their “Shared List” or you can pursue a pre approval for a specific child you have identified off of any Waiting Child websites.
A little note on Chinese adoptions... China is a Hague country, meaning they are apart of the Hague convention with the US and other countries to comply with a specific set of standards for applications and processes during the adoption process. There are two ways you can be “matched” with a child from China. Off the “shared list” or off of the “waiting child” sites like I mentioned above. The number of children on the list can range from minor to more involved medical needs and the lists of new children on the list can range from a few dozen to several hundred depending on how many profiles were processed that month. Children that are older than 2 and have more medical needs tend to stay on the lists a little longer and are available anytime during the month. Because we were pursuing an infant as young as possible, we were set to be matched off the shared list.
The shared list updates with the newest and youngest children typically once a month. This usually happens on the third or fourth monday of any given month. Agencies around the world set their clocks to China time as the list typically updates around 8:30am China time. It is a race to find the babies each agency is looking for for their people and get them reserved for the family before another agency.
Our Log In Date was Sept 5 and we were so sure that this was the month we would be matched. Our caseworker told us it typically takes three months or less and she didn’t see why we wouldn’t be able to get a match before Christmas. We thought the timing would be perfect because that would mean it was likely we would travel spring break to get our little one and that would work well for childcare options. Besides spring is one of our favorite seasons. The night came that we were to be matched. I can remember going to Levi Newman’s 1st birthday party and our little girl could soon be matched with us and be friends with all these little ones. On the way home Family Life radio was playing a special on Gods heart for adoption and I thought this was a sure sign we would be matched that day.
As we anxiously waited by the phone and computer to hear any kind of news, our stomachs were in nots. This could be it...the day we see our daughters face! Finally around 10:30 pm we saw an email come through. As we anxiously read the email, tears began to stream down my face.... there were no baby girls on the list this month between 6-9 months.
It was very hard to get this news. I didn’t understand how a God that has a heart for adoption and caring for the orphan, wouldn’t match a family immediately that was paperwork ready to be matched NOW! My heart began to long more and more for this little girl and several more dreams about our little MaeLynn made my heart ache. Thoughts of her sitting in an orphanage just waiting for someone to notice her...think she was special...love her.
It felt like FOREVER for the October match and the days leading up to it did not look good. A HUGE hurricane was set to hit New York and our adoption agency was uncertain if they were going to be able to have power to even attempt to match us. We prayed again that God would hold off the weather so we could be matched. At 8:35 that evening the city of New York lost power and as the shared list was uploading, our caseworker lost power. Seriously God????
My heart was becoming hardened and I was starting to question our calling to adopt. Was God trying to send us a message? Our dream of traveling spring break was dwendling also. We prayed November would be our month.
As the moments leading up to November matching was coming we had mustered up enough optimism and faith to believe we would be matched. As we waited for the news again I felt the knots rise in my throat and Scott prayed for Gods will. We got an email pretty quickly into the matching that there was a computer glitch and that China was going to take down the list and try again in three days.
Three days later, I was at our neighborhood bunko night thinking of the match. I needed something to distract me and the girls in my neighborhood were just what I needed. I had told Scott to txt me if we didn’t get a match so I could move on and enjoy the night but to call me right away if we did get a match and i would come home immediately. At 8:47 I got a txt message that said “call me when you can”. I knew this was something unique.
I called Scott and he explained to me that we had a match BUT as our caseworker looked into the file, it was a boy even though the file was marked girl. Scott wanted to know my thoughts. My heart raced, I felt this was a test. On one hand we prayed for a match, we got one and doesn’t this little boy deserve love?? One the other hand I know God had been so clear about a little girl, even given us a name for her!!!! As I took a minute to pray in the bath room of our neighborhood bunko group I felt the Lord speak clear as day....There are several things in life that might lead you to GOOD choices but I want to give you the BEST my child and the BEST for your family is a little girl who is born and out there and waiting for your patience to be matched with her! IF you take this little boy and accept the match you are TAKING him from the family that I have saved the BEST for them. That night we turned down the match and that night would be our third month without getting to see our little girls face;(